Sitting in Rockwall thinking about life

So this past week has been a real challenge in some ways. Bailey was more or less a pretty good kid, kleptomaniac tendencies aside, and what the heck, he’s 12. When you are 12, you can’t see anything but yourself and how you feel and what you think you want. I remember being 12. It wasn’t a terribly pleasant experience as I recall. What I struggled with the most, and I hope if Jenny ever reads this she doesn’t feel guilty or bad about this, but man, I really took a huge bite out of my life coming down here for no money to do this. Not that I mind in the heart-sense of doing it, and I love Jenny and Bailey with all my heart – but dude – I couldn’t really accomplish anything this week because I wasn’t at home in my office. If it weren’t for Ken’s laptop (which he graciously loaned to me) I would be going mad. It’s amazing how dependent on emails and phone I’ve become.

I am also struggling with my place in life, in terms of work and ministry. I hope to push myself to do this telemarketing job unless I find something else more suitable, and I will be looking, believe me, Telemarketing is my least favorite thing, non-withstanding the fact that I do a ton of it and am pretty good at it. I hate it when telemarketers call. I’ve made an art form of avoiding them. I get almost daily calls from one in particular. I think I’m going to put the hammer down on them and go for the civil suit harassment thing. They have made an ordinate number of calls to me in the past 3 months. And to think I’ll be doing telemarketing for the next few months. I can only hope something else crops up.

The weather here is about 78 and sunny, but frankly, that is throwing me off.
It’s beautiful, but not being at home and being at such a crossroads in my life is messing with my head.

I think Anna’s assessment of God and His knowledge level is an astute, if not a correct one. I’ve often thought about the same subject. I’m a little worried about the idea of God not knowing the future, thus questioning His omniscience, but at the same time, it seems to jives with reality and with numerous scriptures. I think Paul understood the fact that we were going to all have a different interpretation of who God is/how He works and therefore the statements about “whatever you do/believe do as unto God/with all of your heart”. So there is this intrinsic understanding that God is unexplainable, unknowable, etc and may I shamelessly plug my new shirt design?
I once read a good portion of a book called The Life of God by an author whose name I cannot recall, which talked about this very idea. What makes us think that God does not have a life? In what way were we made in His image? In almost every respect, God and Christianity always seems to subvert what “we” as human beings tend to think is ‘right’ ‘fair’ etc and provide an answer that doesn’t seem satisfactory to our human hearts. i.e the idea that those who look holy and seem to be good people who do good things are not necessarily the chosen ones, but rather that the hungry and the dirty and hurting ones who accept Christ’s grace with childlike faith – the ‘out’ crowd so to speak – are really the one’s who will be welcomed into God’s family readily. I read a devotional called “My 30 Days Under the Bridge” by Mike Yankoski which ahs some pretty mind/heart altering stuff in it which I suspect will take some time for me to digest. I want to read his biographical book about his actual experience – he and a friend spent 6 months being purposefully homeless – begging for food, showers and sleeping under bridges. It sounds radical but he learned (and we by proxy) some things about the true nature of loving the unlovable that few ever experience. In the word, Jesus talks about coming back to a spotless and blameless church who is practicing true religion. I have to believe that most of us are missing it, present company included.