Eddie Van Halen has a complex. Or maybe he really is a rock star.

So I worked at the Van Halen show this past week, and I saw something remarkable that made me think. Not necessarily in a good way either. First things first - the show was pretty good, what I got to see of it (not much) but it seemed pretty canned. They have their act down pat. I watched some You Tube video of shows they did back in the 80's and it is the identical show they do now - same video screen, same set list, same basic stuff. Eddie sits on the side of the stage and plays some soft sparkle-y guitar and Dave talks. IN the olden days,when Wolfgang was little, he used to come out on stage and the crowd would go nuts - now he's 16 years old and playing bass for dad. On that note - A. the kid is doing a pretty darn good job of playing the bass, but I have to wonder sometimes if some of the parts are canned - literally - I wonder at times if there aren't significant parts of the show that aren't canned. I WORKED at the show and I can't quite tell. B. I have to wonder if he has the stones to finish the tour - I personally think they should have brought Michael Anthony back, but hey - the kids last name is "Van Halen" so I can cut him some slack. He is definitely much better on bass than I thought he would be . Anyway, what I saw was this - there is a break in the show where Ed comes offstage for a couple of minutes while Dave talks - he skipped down the steps from the stage lickity split, (I'd almost call it 'careened down the steps')and when he got to the bottom there were three or four older teenage boys (15-18) who leaned as far over the banister as they could, reaching their hands out, just hoping to touch Eddie.... "Eddie, Eddie!" they screamed. It was a bit weird to see such blatant hero worship, but then again, I've seen this before - this certainly isn't the first time - but I just can't get used to it. Anyway, Eddie looks around in disgust. Or maybe mock disgust - maybe real - it was impossible to tell. Like a ballerina, he spins on one leg, buries his face in his left hand with this look on his face like "Oh fine then!! get it over with!!" and proceeds to put his right hand up towards the boys who are just a few feet above him, leaning over the railing with all of their might. They indeed got to touch their hero and the moment it happened, Eddie bounded back up the stairs to the stage without so much as a glance back, a big grin on his face. They boys were going absolutely ballistic - I thought they were going to pee themselves. They squealed like little girls. I sort of took all of this in and just pondered all sorts of things -

is this what fame does to people? Well, I think sometimes it does - I mean, look at another Van Halen (former) member - Michael Anthony by all appearances is totally grounded and seems like a really nice guy. Both Eddie and Dave seem to relish in and live their image as much as possible. It's like their identity as people - as human beings - as normal, average joes who once worked crappy jobs and had to struggle to live - simply has been rubbed out only to be replaced with the image thats been created around them. They believed their own press a little too much? This has certainly happened to others - like Prince for instance. While the musical genius accolades may be certainly fitting - when it goes to your head - you suddenly seem to turn into something other than human. More like a cartoon of yourself, incapable of relating to people in any normal fashion. Which at the end of the day has just as much to say about the boys in the stands as it does about fame itself, wouldn't you say? Let's face it, this scenario has probably played itself out in his life thousands of times. Being a guitar god has it's pitfalls, I'm sure. More thoughts ran through my head too - I was keenly aware that night for some reason of all of the money, effort, energy, creativity, and ego that go into setting up a stage in an arena so 4 guys can play some songs and put on a show. When you are in the big show - you better deliver - 26,000 people showed up and shelled out $80 on average to see you - they better get what they came for right? So why does it seem so empty with a band like Van Halen, but so powerful and meaningful with a band like U2 or Coldplay? Is it simply the difference between 'Panama' and 'I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For'? Maybe - certainly the personal lyric content is a contributor - but I think Panama could say more than it does in the right context - but at the end of the day - the guys who perform it only see it as a means to an end - getting paid and getting laid. U2, on the other hand, have always been vocal about making a difference - both for themselves internally and for the world at large. I have also worked and attended some U2 shows - let me tell you - they are enormous productions. Far larger than anything VH put together. U2 shows are cheaper, too. Fame corrupts some, challenges others.

I'm going to be thinking about these things a little bit more as time goes on. For now though - I've come to at least one conclusion.

The old adage says that 'you get what you pay for'. I think the exception to that must be show business.

these days it's all so vauge

hello reading public. gosh. it's been..ages. I sincerely apologize for the wait, for those of you who actually wonder whats up with lil ol me.

Where to start? I've been on a roller coaster ride for the past year I wouldn't wish on anyone, but it's all turned out quite well, thank you. I've still got some serious holes in the boat to mend, but life is really wonderful in most ways.

Ok, so I ended up homeless for about three weeks, found a new place to live, and things have been slowly but surely on the mend since. I started a band at the end of 2006 and we are still going, despite losing (yet another) bass player and also losing Tom Harris, my friend and lead guitar player/songwriter who was the ying to my yang for the past year musically. It was a good partnership for what it was, and Tom felt like it had run it's course. Things are in start over mode, but Chris (drums) stuck with me and we recruited a young punk named Ben Ziese to be the new bass player. Ben is an amazing musician and has great ears. I think we'll have something going here, if we can keep it rolling. Dark Roads certainly has a future I think. Not terribly sure how it's going to lay out, but it's got a certain energy that hasn't departed despite the absence of Tom, who added a lot in terms of energy and terrific guitar playing. In retrospect, the big problem was allowing Tom to bring his songs and leadership into the situation. Had I kept it purely to a "show up and play yer guitar" type of thing, the situation might have ended differently. As it is, I am very open when people have ideas - especially good ones, and my heart is not to stifle creative freedom - Tom has some great songs - I really dig playing them. But it was a two headed hydra with nowhere to go - me and Chris are in our first serious band - Tom has been in dozens. We were stifling the poor guy by how long it was taking for things to get going. It's sad really. I am faced with whether or not I can actually step up to the plate and front a band now. I think I can do it, but I'm going to have to prove it to myself, much less everyone else. I also have a lack of good gear, so I'm going to have to work on that. This crap costs money though, which has been getting steadier and steadier but is in short supply for making several hundred dollar purchases of music equipment. I need to land more corporate video work to compensate.

I have been doing more and more corporate video work as a means of survival. I got a job with a fellow who is a speaker and he has been terrific to work with, and I'm not just saying that. A more patient and savvy client I couldn't ask for. I've learned a lot through the job but it has been frustrating, I won't lie. Looking forward to getting this thing done.

I have been slowly rebuilding my DVD collection. I have about 30-40 now. The director I worked with Justin Smith back in Hollywood on Thomas Grey's Rainy Day has somewhere in the 600 range. I can't even imagine.

I am working on getting investors for my newest project - a documentary feature film called "Politics and the F Word" The website is coming soon. It's a film that will explore the opinions of Americans about the nature of politics and religion, and how they affect each other. I think it will be a really unique project with great potential. I am awaiting word on an investor who may be putting in a camera package - a significant one - I'll find out about that soon. That would be a huge boost to everything I am doing. I'll still need to raise cash, but it will help me get there.

I am also working on several concepts - both artistic and business related, which I won't bore you with here - suffice to say it's everything from tv and radio to a web 2.0 concept that I am dying to get done. If anyone knows a good web programmer who is interested in possibly doing something for the equity of partial ownership - let me know. It's a rock solid idea with a lot of potential.

I am still attending Solomon's Porch and everything is pretty good - except the current financial crisis, which has me worried to some degree, about the state of what SP is, has been and will be in the future. But I'm not too worried. Maybe I'm just getting intellectually lazy in my old age - in fact I know I am - but I know it'll all work out.

My good friend Luke Hillestad had a show at Flanders, a well known gallery here in Minneapolis, and I think he is starting an incredible journey. Check out his work. http://www.lukehillestad.com

So thats me for now. More to come. I'll be trying to blog and write more now. I have some things I'm trying to focus on and get done. It's going to take a lot of time and thinking.

Hope you all are well.